I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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