Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
well I can't set my house on fire every night
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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