I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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