Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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