I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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