I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
