never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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