We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
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