Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
