You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
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