Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
