Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
