I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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