i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm like, not good at living.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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