In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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