Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
