I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
