and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
