I haven't been this sober since birth.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
