You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize