Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
