she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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