I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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