dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
