I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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