Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
