I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
