I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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