Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize