this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
