its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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