fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize