is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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