My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
its not stalking. its research.
The best revenge is premature balding
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
