she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
