she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
