i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
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you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
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Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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