Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
