there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
