I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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