i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
COCAINE IS GR8
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
