? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
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