the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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