I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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