I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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