just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
