The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
