I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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