Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
