Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
