I got chris browned last night
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
