Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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