Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
