Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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