Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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