How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
