It's Friday. Sex?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
