I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
