my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize