im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
