wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
