can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
